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Wrong Ron gets help re Richmond

Wrong Ron seeks professional help about Richmond  (added 21 March 2010)

 

[* Editor’s note:  Wrong Ron, surprisingly, sets off on the wrong track.  Please don’t follow any of his advice in this segment.  Wait until the counsellor has worked on him for a few sessions]

 

 

“Oh, no!” he screams, “Carlton again in round one like in 2009.  What painful memories come flooding back.  Ben Cousins’ hammie; the 83 point margin.”

 

Quickly he grabs the phone book and finds Counselling services.

 

“How do I pick a good one?  Ah, here we go!  A counsellor specializing in AFL football supporter trauma. {ring ring} Hello, I am a footy fan with a problem…… a session tomorrow at 9.00AM? Sounds good!  See you there.”

 

Next morning, Wrong Ron, partly hopeful but mostly apprehensive, turns up at the clinic and greets the receptionist.

“I am here to see Psycho Anna Liszt”

He enters.

 

“I hear you have a footy problem,” says Psycho Anna.

“Yes,” replies Wrong Ron, “it’s about Richmond.”

“Wow, that is a big problem.  Tell me, how does Richmond make you feel right now?”

 

“Well,” Wrong Ron begins, “the feelings are so deep that I had to put it into a verse, which I have entitled:

I’ll Give You Six Reasons To Tear Out Your Hair

 

Here’s how it goes:

 

I barrack for Richmond, I’ll write you six dirges

To tell you the pain that us Tiger fans share

If I were a billionaire, I’d buy the best coaches

And best admin team you could find anywhere

 

But I’m just a simple fan; a mere Tigers member

I’ll give you six reasons to tear out your hair

 

Richo is finished(1); the umpires don’t like us(2)

Our last six five year plans all ended nowhere(3).

We almost had Pavlich(4); we could have had Franklin(5)

And trips to the finals are really quite rare(6)

 

But I’m just a simple fan; a mere Tigers member

Another six reasons to tear out your hair

 

Sheedy has left us(7); and Plough got five seasons(8)

We lost to the Blues without Judd being there(9)

Ben has two problems – his tummy(10) and hammie(11)

Who knows just when Ben Cousins’ hammie might tear

 

Caro might tell us there’s trouble down there(12)

Another six reasons to tear out your hair

 

But I’m just a simple fan; a mere Tigers member

I’ll give you six reasons to tear out your hair

Following Richmond can lead to despair

I’ll give you six reasons to tear out your hair

Following Richmond can lead to despair

I’ll give you six reasons to tear out your hair.

 

So that’s the verse.  Oh, and another thing!  I went to sing it to Kevin Bartlett and Graeme Bond but, by the looks of them, they have already heard it!”

 

“Yes, I’m sure they have,” said Pyscho Anna. ‘This problem of yours is going to take a few sessions and lots of dollars to fix, Wrong Ron.  I need to make a couple of comments and then give you a question to answer when you next come back.

 

Firstly, names are important.  You may want to consider, when ready, changing your name from ‘Wrong Ron’.”

“Very good point, Psycho Anna,” Wrong Ron retorted. “I’ll think about it!”

“Next,” continued Psycho Anna, “The Tigers haven’t lost to the Blues yet! The game isn’t on until Thursday night!”

Wrong Ron looked to the floor. “I’ve condeded it already!”

Psycho Anna continued, “We will run some simple tests to ensure there is no physiological reasons for feeling so down.  Not all Tiger fans seem as downbeat as you do.  I need to find out the root cause and keep you from despair.  And then your hair, scruffy though it may be, can be spared.  So your homework is to go away and think when these bad feelings first surfaced.  Next session we will deal with that.  Okay?”

 

“Fine,” said Wrong Ron, “I’ll book in again soon.”