Wrong Ron After Dees Game

Wrong Ron after the Dees game, 2010


Psycho Anna Liszt:  How does it feel, Ron?

Wrong Ron:  Oooooooooooooohhhhhh! {in obvious distress}

PAL:  Did the loss to the Dees cause that much pain?

WR:  No, I just hit my head on the door!

PAL:  So how did you feel about the game?

WR:  Not good.  At the start of the year, Melbourne were the only other possible wooden spooner.  Now we have the title wrapped up.  At least this time the Blues won’t steal away out prized number one draft pick!

PAL:   No, that’s right, Wrong Ron.  It will be Gold Coast this year.

WR:  What!  Do they get the number one pick?

PAL:   Yes, and also two and three

WR:  It’s not fair! Twice we finish last and don’t get the number one pick.  It’s never happened to any other club!

PAL:   Wrong Ron, but there’s only been four rounds.  The Tigers are only two games out of the eight!

WR:  No, Psycho Anna, the season is over.  Now we need to find the best 4th draft pick in the state; maybe in the country; or perhaps the world, solar system, universe.  Anyway, I’ll get some respite by watching the Melbourne Storm in the finals this year.

PAL:  Check out the latest news on the Storm just in {shows the news page of the web}

WR:  Oh, no!  What else can go wrong?

PAL:  Tough times, Wrong Ron!  By the way, did you remember your first memory of the bad feelings about Richmond?

WR:  Well, I saw a teenage kid at the Melbourne game on the weekend.  He was screaming at his Tiger team, as I have often done, as though his life depended on it.

This shocked my sister Charlene who had “Never been to G”.

That brought back memories on my youth.  I’ll explain it in song form.

Hey matey in the outer, cursing at your team

Yes, today has been a nightmare, which you hoped would be a dream

No doubt you can tell me the odd sad tale or two

But nothing can be more tragic than what I’m gonna tell to you

I came to Australia and first saw footy back in nineteen eighty-two

I watched the Blues, Hawks and Tigers play and I liked what they could do

And then one fateful day I was heard to say, “It will be the Tigers for me”

I’ve been a Richmond member since nineteen eighty-three

Hey matey, please matey, don’t just walk away

Cos I have this need to tell you why I’m so distressed today

Today our team has gone down hard and shown you some bad signs

But listen please to someone who’s seen his team lose a million times

I’ve seen the pain of fans when the five year plans were not all that they could have been

I’ve seen G Ablett kick fourteen twice and Dunstall kick seventeen

I’ve seen us draft deadbeats and I’ve seen defeats that a footy fan shouldn’t see

I’ve been a Richmond member since nineteen eighty-three

{spoken}: Hey, you know what paradise is?

It’s a lie, a fantasy we create about our footy club as we would like it to be.

But you know what truth is?

It’s that half torn membership ticket you’re holding; it’s that Richmond team that you berated harshly today – that same team you are going to go and cheer for wholeheartedly next week!

That’s truth; that’s love!

{back to the song}

When fans complain about stars we should have drafted, I find it all a bit rich

But why did we pick Aaron Fiora and not Matthew Pavlich

I’ve spent my life deploring the heavy scoring that’s been inflicted on me

I’ve been a Richmond member since nineteen eighty-three

We’ve graced the bottom four and we’re there once more and so I will tell you for free

I’ve been a Richmond member since nineteen eighty-three

You may have broke a leg or been forced to beg; you aint done it tougher than me

I’ve been a Richmond member since nineteen eighty-three

A flag while I’m alive is about as likely as Richo getting a free

I’ve been a Richmond member since nineteen eighty-three

And, Psycho Anna, that’s what I sang to him.  I hoped he was helped.

PAL:   Well, I was helped!  You are getting to the point of your pain Wrong Ron.

WR:  And I remembered something else about my youth.  When I was a teenager, I helped out in the family business – a cake shop.  I was the spatula boy.  I always told dad that I had more potential than to just use the spatula.  Let me explain in song what Cliff, my late father, said to me:

When I was young, I thought that that I

Would be great in some way

But what my dad told me I will not forget

Until my dying day

He said, “Ron, you are a spatula boy

And that’s the way you’ll stay

Happy to be a spatula boy

Until your dying day

So, Psycho Anna, I reckon that this had a big effect on me.

PAL:   It certainly would have, Wrong Ron.  How did you feel when he said that to you?

WR:  Like I had been sold short.  I felt like I had greater potential than just holding a spatula all my life

PAL:   A father’s job is to release his children into adulthood.  But sometimes this can be done clumsily, as I believe occurred in this instance, and most often it is not done at all.  How did your career go after that?

WR:  {looking downcast} Well, I stayed a spatula boy for many years.  It was tough, dreary work.  The one exception was at the end of the shift when I could lick the spatula.

{his countenance brightening} Then, one day, my big promotion came.  I proudly announce that I am now the trainer on spatula boys!

PAL:   So how does that title sit with you, Ron?

WR:  Well, really good…. but, you know, I still feel like I am capable of more

PAL:   So do I, Ron; so do I!

Time is up for today, but we should revisit 1982/83 next time.


WR:  Looking forward to it.