Wrong Ron after Round 1

Wrong Ron after Round 1, 2010


Wrong Ron goes in for another session with Psycho Anna Liszt


Psycho Anna Liszt:  How does it feel, Ron?

Wrong Ron:  Oooooooooooooohhhhhh! {in obvious distress}

PAL:  That bad?

WR:  I knew it!  Why Carlton?  I need help.  In fact, my team needs help.

PAL:  Any positives out of the game?

WR:  Well……………….., Martin looks good; and Cotchin will be a superstar if he ever gets a full season under his belt.

PAL:  So it’s bad, but not all bad!

WR:  And I admire young Ben Nason.

PAL:  For his style of play?

WR:  For his style of hair!

PAL:  Remember your homework…delving back to the first time you felt  bad about Richmond?

WR:  Well, I started thinking back.  I went back to a bad experience in

2007 and got stuck!  Couldn’t go back any further.

PAL:  Let’s go there!

WR:  Well, we had rocketed up the ladder late in 2006 to be ninth after

round 21.  Well, it was a battle between the Cats and us for ninth.  When they lost round 22, we had clinched our coveted ninth place on the ladder.  I said to my Geelong supporting neighbour, “The Tigers will be in the finals next year, and it will take Geelong years to recover!”  Anyway, 2007 was the third year of the Terry Wallace reign – the year we were going to make progress.  Sadly, we lost the first five games.  We could have won four of those with a bit of luck.  Then Darren Gaspar was told he wouldn’t play seniors again – just letting us fans know that they had given up on the year already.  Round 6 was the infamous 26 goal loss to the Cats; then we stretched it to zip and eight before the Dreamtime at the G game.  I was positive that this would be the turning point.  Late in the game, Richo marked and goaled to put us in front.  But, for the millionth time, he was cruelly penalised by the umpire.  The Dons took it down for a goal and we lost.  The pain is still there like it was just yesterday.

PAL:  You need to let that pain out.

WR:  I will stand on my head and release the pain inverse:


I left my home in Northcote Victoria

With the Tigers on my mind

Off to the “G” and hoping that night

We would not be zero nine


We started the year at zero five

It wasn’t a lot of fun

But with a little luck here and there

We could have been four and one


Then played the Cats – got shot down easy
Boy, did we get done!

One guy said, “Had Darren Gaspar played

The Tigers would have won!”


Still I clung to my membership ticket

Like it was a precious gem

Though Tiger fans who wanted a lynching

Were down town burning them


So I wrote me a letter to the club

And said, “Don’t do nothing rash!

Don’t sack the coach, we’ve got the guts; but

We haven’t got the cash!”


My mate Slugger had to face the judge

And got ten years in the can

He said, “Judge, can you please make it twenty

For I am a Tigers fan!”


Had Richo got us up for a win
It would have been just divine
But the umpire said, “Sorry, Wrong Ron

You are going home at zero nine!”

Last night I had me a real sweet dream

As I lay upon my bed

We got a recruit with Richo’s body

And Nathan Buckley’s head


Somebody help us get out of losing habit

Get us back to the good old times

Take us back to where we belong –

That’s position number nine



PAL:  I think we are getting somewhere!
WR:  But now I remember something else from 2007.  We almost had the number one draft pick. We had last spot sewn up and Kreuzer all pencilled in.  But somehow the Blues, from 15th, managed to steal away our draft pick by losing to Melbourne in round 22.  Again, I need to go to verse.  I call this one “Only 24 Hours from Kreuzer”:


Terry ___ Wallace ____

You must be spewing now that the first draft pick’s gone for sure

Cos Something ___ Happened ____

Carlton snuck in, pinched what was ours and then ran out the back door

Oh we  were only 24 hours from Kreuzer

Only one day from signing that star


Plough watched the Blues game that night

And hoped they’d put up a fight.

That’s when he saw them, useless
Carlton were so bad they really made Melbourne look quite good

The Blues were really hopeless

Lance Whitnall kicked 1 goal 4 points; who’d have thought that he would


Oh we  were only 24 hours from Kreuzer

Only one day from signing that star


The Blues gazumped us that day

I saw how badly they played

I said, “No Way!”


Oh we  were only 24 hours from Kreuzer

Only one day from signing that star


PAL:  How are things now, Wrong Ron?

WR:  Better now that it is out!
PAL:  And can you look forward positively?

WR:  (looking at the fixture) Oh, no! The Dogs!  Just think how angry they will be.
PAL:  Calm down, Wrong Ron.

WR:  (still looking at the fixture) Ah, I feel better now.
PAL:  More relaxed about the Dogs in round two?
WR:  Not at all; but we play Melbourne in round four.

PAL:  They just pushed Collingwood all the way and lost by a point.
WR:  When are we ever going to win a game?

PAL:  More therapy required, Wrong Ron.
WR:  I guess so.  I will search back further for earlier memories. 
PAL:  We’re on track – getting the pain out bit by bit.  See you soon.